Monday, October 20, 2008

They're not old. They're "Chronologically Challenged"

Driving home yesterday, I was listening to the Redskins / Browns game on the radio. The Redskins radio team - Larry Michael, Sam Huff, and Sonny Jurgensen - were the main source of my entertainment, and not the game.

First you have Larry Michael (far right), who is kind of cross between a play-by-play announcer and a wrestling manager. To call him a homer would be like saying Osama Bin Laden *might* be wanted as a person of interest in the whole 9/11 affair - it's an understatement. He's not bad when it comes to telling you what just happened on the field, unless you want accurate facts like score, time, who ran which way, etc. Larry has decided the Washington Post is trying to infiltrate "Redskins Nation" and is nothing more than a bad PR guy masquerading as a broadcaster. A bad broadcaster.

Then there's Sonny Jurgensen (middle), Hall of Fame Quarterback. He's pretty good, and the color commentary is insightful to both novice and seasoned fans. Sonny's real name is Christian Adolph Jurgensen. You'd go by Sonny, too, if that was your name. I like Sonny. He's smart, observant, and funny. He could also throw a football 30 yards behind his back. I'm not kidding.

Then there's Sam Huff (far left). Sam is in the Hall of Fame as well, as a linebacker. He played for the Giants and Redskins and was one of the meanest linebackers of his era. Apparently, now, he's brain damaged. Or something. I can't decide if it's an act or just the way he is. Just before halftime, as the Redskins were driving for a field goal attempt, Huff told his broadcast partners he was hoping the Redskins wouldn't call timeout because he was ready for a commercial. Odd. Then about 10 seconds later, he said something to the effect of "Man, I really need to go".

I'm 41. I've never heard a broadcaster intentionally say he had to go to the bathroom ON THE AIR. The mental image of a Hall of Fame linebacker doing a pee-pee dance was most entertaining. Sam also seems to forget things. A lot.

Huff: "They should run right more. They do great running right. Never left, nothing to the left."

A couple minutes pass.

Huff: "The should run left more. All the yards are to the left."
Jurgensen: "You just said they need to run right."
Huff: "No I didn't. You quarterbacks don't know right from left."
Jurgensen: "But I do know brain damage when I hear it." *
Huff: "They can't run right. All the linebackers are over there."
Jurgensen: "Shut up, you old Feeb." *

So, for the better part of an hour, I listened to these two guys go back and forth, and I swear I can hear Sonny getting more and more ticked at Spongebob Geezerpants. I couldn't turn it off - I was waiting to see what Sam was going to order for lunch, or what kind of flower he would take to his 1st grade teacher on Monday.

* Words not actually spoken by Jurgensen, but an interpretation of the groans he let out listening to Huff.

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